Momentary Defeat
by Miroslav
Summary: Snatches of the troubled, troubling relationship between the charismatic filmmaker and his faithful assistant. CarlPreston SLASH


(Disclaimer: All of the characters belong to whoever owns King Kong.)

#01 - Walking (Opposite of #48 - Virtuous)

Carl has always walked like a god, with a straightness to his spine that no other man could obtain, his hands swinging to the beat of a drum only he hears, his head tilted ever so slightly as though listening to that intangible beat or perhaps applause; he has always been totally oblivious to Preston, who follows like an awe-struck priest, tripping over the cracks in the sidewalks of New York (Carl Denham's temple), but who cannot tear his gaze away from the god who strides purposefully before him.

#02 - Waltz

Carl thinks that Preston would be an excellent dancer if he could only remember to pay attention to the melody and not get distracted trying to kiss his dance partner, and says so in a voice slurred by the brandy they've spent their last dollar on, just as the waltz from the next apartment trails off and Preston steps on his foot.

#03 - Wishes

Preston wishes for a lot of things, but he knows they won't come true -- still, he treasures the soft way words of love and Carl Denham echo and re-echo in his head, and make a mantra out of his dreaming, because mantras are a lot more likely to succeed than fragile wishes.

#04 - Wonder

If Carl paid attention to the world outside his mind, he would have wondered at his flesh-and-blood shadow who followed him everywhere and helped him stay one step ahead of the law -- but he was always lost to the magic inside his head (wonders beyond wonders beyond wonders) and never did.

#05 - Worry

The anxiety of the crew is infectious, and Preston wonders why Carl doesn't notice or feel the tension in the air -- but then again, Carl is good at seeing things as he wants them to be (sometimes, all right -- _always_ -- he wonders what Carl sees when he looks at him, and isn't sure he wants to know).

#06 - Whimsy

He knows that he is prone to whims, a sudden fancy that catches hold of his brain until he has no other choice but to answer his latest whim and seize whatever it is he desires at the moment; still, the whims have always come and gone like the wind, toying with him and then rushing off to torment someone else's brain -- so when his gaze settles on Preston sleeping beside him, he wonders why this particular whim has never released him and why it feels like he wants Preston here forever.

#07 - Waste/Wasteland

There's a fine line between opportunity and fruitless endeavors, and there is such a subtle difference that Preston has long since given up on figuring out whether this relationship is something wonderful or a disaster waiting to happen; all he knows is that this doesn't _feel_ like a waste when Carl does something as simple as smile at him and that is enough to make him stay.

#08 - Whiskey and rum

It was far too easy to get his new assistant tipsy off whiskey and rum (in the guise of celebrating Preston getting the job, of course), far too easy to touch the younger man's knee, his hand sidling up the man's thigh while he watches that innocent face flush, and it is far, _far_ too easy to know that he could keep this innocent creature forever, all to himself; he knows it would be far harder to retract his hand and leave Preston his freedom and innocence -- but Carl Denham has always taken the easy road and keeps his hand there.

#09 - War

Every day, there is a battle raging inside Preston's head, one where the soldiers use words like bullets to pierce his heart -- _He doesn't love you_ and _He destroys all that is beautiful_ -- bullets that turn to dust when he shouts back, "But I love him!" and yet in the ensuing silence he cannot help but think he's going to lose the war.

#10 - Weddings

They are walking by a department store where a mannequin stands in her white dress covered in lace and wields a bouquet of fake flowers like a standard of battle, and suddenly all Carl can see is Preston in that lace and satin; first one snort escapes, then another, and after a puzzled look his assistant shakes his head and chuckles as well at whatever has made Carl double over laughing.

#11 - Birthday

He shouldn't have expected Carl to remember his birthday, but there is still a fierce pain that brings tears to his eyes when it is forgotten -- and then he looks at the calendar and laughs until he cries, entire body shaking, because his birthday was a week ago and he'd forgotten it himself.

#12 - Blessing

Preston presses a hand slick with his own blood to the other man's forehead in a silent benediction, or perhaps to mark him as a fallen soul (the mark of the beast, Carl remembers from Sunday school with an ironic downturn of his lips) and looks at the director with eyes as hard and unyielding as green glass, and there is nothing left to say.

#13 - Bias

He smiles at himself in the mirror, testing his latest grin, and almost falls for it himself; no one could see through his infectious grin to see the calculating bastard within, except perhaps-- no, no one, he corrects his own thoughts, and ignores the fact that he might be biased about his own powers of persuasion.

#14 - Burning

In this dead city where the wind is cold enough to splinter his bones (his skin and muscle are pitiful mimicries of the rich's thick coats), he reaches out for anything with the semblance of heat; it is probably some trick of the gods, then, that Carl's touch is like blasts of flame that scorch his skin and blacken his bones (he thinks that someday that two extremes will even out to a pleasant middle, he just doesn't know if he'll survive until then).

#15 - Breathing

Loving Carl is as easy (and painful) as breathing; when Carl smiles at him and remembers to wish him "good morning" it is like taking in a breath of sweet spring air, but when Carl gets annoyed at Preston's inability tolie to people, it is like taking in a breath of icy winter air that stabs at the tender insides of his lungs until he chokes on his own breath.

#16 - Breaking

It is funny, Carl muses, huddling on an unfamiliar street-corner as the rain pelts his patched-and-ragged clothes, how Preston bent and never broke, even when he had figured out that Carl would have let Jack and Ann die to capture the beast, and yet Carl himself had broken at the mere sight of the corpse of Kong, the king of the beasts as dead as his dreams of grandeur.

#17 - Belief

"Do you really believe I would have let Ann and Jack _die_?" Carl demands, voice hoarse, tears burning his eyes, and the filmmaker swallows as he realizes that the deafening silence that ensues is Preston's answer.

#18 - Balloon

As a joke, Preston buys Carl a bright red balloon for his birthday, and is both surprised and amused at the look of childish delight that lights up the other man's face at the sight of the balloon bobbing gently in the air.

#19 - Balcony

Preston remembers the beginning, when Carl was just breaking into the business; they had been hungry and cold, but every night they would sneak into a theater and watch the latest movie or play, hidden in the shadows of the balcony, Carl's hand absently stroking Preston's hair, and he misses the days when they were broke.

#20 - Bane (Opposite of #21 - Quiet)

Amid the thunderous congratulations of men who had once called the cops on him, he sees Preston at the top of the stairs, and everything fades away as a genuine smile lights up his entire face -- he hadn't thought the younger man would accept the invitation -- and as Preston's smile shifts to a look of disdain, he feels the contempt like a kick to his stomach, and wonders how a single look could be the bane of his happiness.

#21 - Quiet (Opposite of #20 - Bane)

There is a sudden hush that fills Preston's ears as he stares down the stairs to where Carl stands, smiling expectantly at him as though seventeen men are not dead, and for a moment he is tempted to scream just to shatter the silence; instead he just meets Carl's eyes and dismisses him with a single, contemptuous look and turns away.

#22 - Quirks

"That's the thing you learn about Carl - his unfailing ability to destroy the things he loves," Jack says to him as they gaze at the chained 'Eighth Wonder of the World,' and Preston, his scar stinging as though it's been reopened merely by the quiet force of the playwright's words, thinks he couldn't have put it better himself.

#23 - Question

On the way back to New York, Preston ignores the question in Jack's eyes as they end up living together in the cabin that Jimmy had once shared with Hayes, and doesn't explain that he no longer wants to share a bed with a monster everyone knows as Carl Denham -- he knows that would bring on more questions, none of which he is prepared to answer.

#24 - Quarrel

Carl thinks this is a simple quarrel, that Preston is just sore that his pretty face got scarred, until he gets onto the ship and realizes Preston has thrown all of the remaining film overboard into the ocean (it takes five sailors to drag the director off a bleeding and bruised Preston who is wearing an oddly victorious smile as Carl screams and writhes in the sailors' grasps).

#25 - Quitting

"Defeat is always momentary," Carl says with that half-mad gleam in his eyes, and somehow as Preston watches him vanish into the rush of cars and people that make up New York, he realizes that Carl doesn't believe in quitting -- he just believes in dropping something and seizing another opportunity every time something goes wrong.

#26 - Jump

He doesn't know why he is following this man who brims over with impossible dreams - perhaps it is because everyone needs a dream to believe in, and Carl Denham has thousands to spare, and so it is extremely easy to jump headfirst into the man's latest scheme and let an impossible dream sweep him off his feet.

#27 - Jester

To the world, Carl is a king of comedians, with his infectious grin, laughter that cajoles unwilling chuckles from those around him, and his extravagant gestures that make anything seem possible; no one ever realizes that there is one man in the crowd with sad green eyes and a scar on his face who doesn't smile back at Carl, and that in failing to make _him_ laugh, Carl's crown is snatched and shattered at his feet and replaced by a jester's hat.

#28 - Jousting

When their eyes meet, it is like they are jousting with their minds, each seeking to overwhelm the other, but somehow it is always Preston who tumbles from his mount (he suspects that somehow Carl has fiddled with his saddle).

#29 - Jewel

He leans against the railing of the ship, eyes half closed, and laughs in pure exhilaration, shouting to the salty wind, "This film'll be my diamond, the jewel that dazzles the eyes and shows everyone I'm a success!" and the wind steals away Preston's soft response - "I always preferred jade. No one dies for jade."

#30 - Just

As he stares down at Kong's corpse, he realizes how easy it is to destroy the things you care about -- and unbidden, the anguished expression of his assistant springs to his mind and steals his breath away.

#31 - Smirk

All of these applicants are doppelgangers, with oily smiles, hungry eyes, and expressions like tigers just waiting for him to turn his back so they can pounce, and Carl is about ready to give up until he catches sight of a tall man hovering uncertainly in the doorway; his face is soft and earnest and as pale as milk, and he looks so easy to manipulate that Carl cannot keep from grinning with all his teeth, enough of a smirk to make the man swallow nervously and squeak out, "I-I'm Preston, sir..."

#32 - Sorrow

It is a bittersweet sorrow that makes him stop by the harbor and squint into the murky twilight, as though he would see a lanky man whose eyes hold a million unsaid pleas behind glasses coming towards him and spy the Venture waiting for the next grand adventure.

#33 - Stupidity

"Stupid," he mumbles to himself, staring into the amber liquid of his glass, "I was so _stupid_ to kiss--" and then a soft voice interrupts him with, "Well, stupidity is catching, you know" and he looks up in surprise as Preston steals his glass, drains it in one swallow, and leans forward to press his soft lips to his.

#34 - Serenade

No one sees him, but as the Venture sails back for New York, Preston is often down in the cages, staring at the beast that had killed Hayes and thinking of the beast in man's clothing who killed seventeen because of his desperate need for fame, and all he can think is that Carl reminds him of nursery rhymes, which get jumbled up inside his head -- _I wrote a letter to my love (he was a crooked man, and he walked a crooked mile) and on the way I lost it, ashes in the water, ashes in the sea (he called for his pipe, he called for his bowl, he called for his fiddlers three), ashes, ashes, we all fall down_ -- and his weeping is drowned out by the sleeping Kong's thunderous breaths.

#35 - Sarcasm

There is a note of sarcasm constantly present in Carl's voice, so when he says, "I love you" it takes Preston a moment to realize that he is being serious.

#36 - Sordid

Carl looks at his wrists, studying the blueness of his veins, and wonders at their lovely shade; with all the poisoned words that have escaped his lips and all the lies he has told Preston to keep him by his side, it seems to him that his very blood was corroded and should be black, and yet all he sees is blue.

#37 - Soliloquy

The cab driver doesn't pay attention to the anxious man in the back of his car, fiddling with his glasses and mumbling to himself, "The mass of men live lives of quiet desperation-- we are all searching for something. The investors are searching for the next big hit to earn them millions, Carl is searching for fame, and I'm...I'm searching for... I want..." and finally slumping down in the seat with his face buried in his hands.

#38 - Sojourn

Carl remembers the prelude, that moment where he stood at the beginning of a road from which he couldn't turn back -- it was when he first saw a slumped over figure sitting on the corner, gazing hopelessly at the broken glasses in his hand, mindless of the fact that the thief had also bloodied his nose -- and he had to walk over and ask, "You okay, kid?"

#39 - Share

"He died for a dream. I'm going to finish this picture and dedicate it to him... And I'll donate the proceeds to his wife and kids," he says, trying to drown out Herb's final screams (they echo endlessly inside his head), and then he sees a look on Preston's face, one that says _Will you say the same meaningless drivel for me?_ and he wants suddenly to seize his assistant and shake him and share his secret by shouting, "No, I won't, I won't say any of this because if you die I'll make a funeral pyre for you and me and my damn film, and I will say nothing at all!" but he doesn't, because there are things far scarier than the enormous beast that seized Miss Darrow and one of those things is love.

#40 - Solitary

He cannot stand silence -- in the solitary confines of his mind, with no one around to keep the silence at bay, he feels the venomous whispers of _Failure_ and _Has-Been_ build up until he almost believes them -- it is then that he finds himself knocking at Preston's door, desperate to talk about anything, anything at all, as long as there is no more silence.

#41 - Nowhere

_This is going nowhere,_ he realizes, watching Carl press the glass to the door and listen intently to the investors deciding his -- their -- fate, this friendship will only lead him to disaster, and yet when Carl turns to him, his expression earnest, he cannot help but obey the whispered instructions and follow Carl to nowhere.

#42 - Neutral

It is hard to keep his face neutral as he pushes at the partially ajar door to smell gun-smoke and the thick, cloying smell of blood; it is hard to remain expressionless when he knows what he will find; even men like Carl Denham sometimes succumb to despair, after all.

#43 - Nuance

That was all it took -- a subtle difference in the meaning of truth -- but that simple nuance was enough to tear them asunder and make it impossible for them to ever look each other in the eye without flinching at the sight of dead men staring back.

#44 - Near

When Carl knocks on his door smelling of beer and cheap cigars and looks at him with fevered, haunted eyes, saying, "Beauty killed the beast, beauty and me, Preston," Preston realizes that this is the closest Carl will ever come to making an actual apology, and takes his hand to help him inside, steadying him as he sways.

#45 - Natural

"God damn it, Preston! All you had to do was look her in the eye and lie!" comes to his mind as he hears Carl's drowsily murmured, "I love you" and even as Preston automatically smiles back into those eyes cloudy with sleep, he wishes that lying wasn't so natural for the filmmaker; it is hard to believe your lover when lying is easier than breathing for him.

#46 - Horizon

When he looks into the horizon, he always makes sure to be a few steps back from Carl, because the stretch of horizon would seem despairingly endless without Carl there to lead the way past the setting sun and into the future.

#47 - Valiant

Preston looks at Carl and understands that Carl fancies himself a knight on a white steed who will valiantly make it big in film and give Preston (and himself, of course) everything they've ever desired, anything at all; but the time of knights in shining armor died with King Arthur and his court, and so, even while Preston loves him for his effort, he knows Carl is only tilting at windmills.

#48 - Virtuous (Opposite of #01 - Walking)

Carl sometimes looks at Preston and marvels that his assistant doesn't see it -- hasn't he ever looked in a _mirror_? -- it seems incredible that he doesn't look at his reflection and see a god staring back with his face and immortal, accusing eyes; within Preston is the god of justice, and beauty, and virtue, all fused into one, and that is why at the breaking point Carl will shatter and Preston will survive, because Preston has the spark of immortality Carl has spent his entire life trying to obtain.

#49 - Victory

It is the little victories that make him smile (the way Preston has taken to leaving a bottle of whiskey next to the morning coffee, for example) and make him purse his lips, setting aside the whiskey to try and sample some 'plain' coffee, because little victories make Preston smile too.

#50 - Defeat

He thought he could fight this yearning towards a man who is carelessly cruel and so self-absorbed it is a wonder he even remembers anyone else exists; he thought he could ignore this man with weak morals and a devil's heart; he thought he could walk away, but all it takes is a single crooked smile and a "Stick with me, Preston!" from the other man for him to bow his head and concede defeat.


End file.
